Mom and Dad what have we done?

When I was growing up you didn’t get trophies unless you won. Now days everyone gets trophies whether a team has the best record or the worst record everyone that signs up to play gets a trophy. There is nothing to strive for. Have you told your child no and meant it? If you said no last week is the answer still no this week? Just what are we teaching our children? We have gone out of our way to level the playing field and make everyone equal. But we can not do that. Little Johnny does not run as fast as Little Sammy and Little Raphie can’t hit the ball and Little Frankie - well he doesn’t like playing ball and he is only the field because mom and dad paid the fee. God created us in HIS image He did not create us equally. He gave each and everyone a different ability. If we were created equal we would have exactly the same, look exactly the same, speak, act and do every thing exactly the same. But are not the same we are not equal to each other either. I struggle with math but my husband is a walking calculator. I need a pencil and paper he does the problem in his head. We each have different abilities. I am an organizer, my husband whether he admits it or not is a teacher. We have three boys each is as different from the others as night and day. It amazes me they all three have the same parents, raised the same way but turned out totally different. Are they equal no…#2 son is a computer whiz, #3 son is a politician and #1 son has a heart for the underdog. Did they all have the same opportunities…yes. Did all three take advantage of the same opportunities…no. Are they all good at the same thing…of course not. Are they equal? Well let’s look at the definition of the word equal

1. Having the same quantity, measure, or value as another.
2. Mathematics Being the same or identical to in value.
3. Having the same privileges, status, or rights: equal before the law.
4. Being the same for all members of a group: gave every player an equal chance to win.
5. Having the requisite qualities, such as strength or ability, for a task or situation:
6. Adequate in extent, amount, or degree.
7. Impartial; just; equitable.
8. Tranquil; equable.
9. Showing or having no variance in proportion, structure, or appearance.

According to these definitions then I would have to say no they are not equal and I can not make them equal. They do no have the same strengths and abilities. They do have variance, proportion, structure and appearance. Same quantity, measure or value…hummm well there are days I value each one more than the others. Like the day my computer bit the dust, son #1 & #3 were totally useless. Even they call their brother to fix their computers. Do they have the same privileges, status or rights equal before the law. Again no one son made some bad decisions and now he is paying the price. He doesn’t have some of the privileges that his brothers have.

I work in a college and I see the “me’tude” all the time. It is all about me, I am privileged, I get what I want when I want it and it doesn’t matter what you say. We have done our children an injustice. We have raised them to believe that they are the best; the brightest, the most beautiful person and they deserve having everything at their finger tips. We have given them everything. They have had to work for nothing and we wonder why they have such low self-esteem. We have taken their sense of accomplishment their sense of achievement away from them.

With nothing left to strive they hit a brick wall when they go out into the real world where it is dog eat dog and cat fights on a daily basis. They are lost and crushed under the heel of someone stronger, brighter, and more beautiful. They do not know how to color outside the lines. They can not think outside the black and white areas. There is no creativity. Maybe that is why there has been no great and wonderful invention in the past few decades only improvements on older models. They do not know how to think out side the box. We have done wrong by them by trying to make them all in to round pegs so they would all fit in the same round hole. But some are not round pegs they are square pegs and need the opportunity to fit in their square hole. What we need to strive to do is give each child the same opportunities, and allow them to succeed or fail at these opportunities. What happens if all his life Little Frankie was pushed through school groomed to be a businessman but what he really wanted to do was be a missionary doctor. But because he was pushed to be a businessman we missed out on a cure for HIV. Or if he was pushed to be a businessman and he really was wanted to be a welder. He is a horrible businessman and is talked in to cutting corners on a project. But as a welder his welding would have been top notch and would have kept a bridge from collapsing and killing thousands. We need to realize not everyone has the “smarts” to be a businessman or a welder or even a ditch digger. Not everyone is university material.

It doesn’t matter the color of your skin if you want something so bad that you are willing to work for it then you should have the opportunity to pursue your dreams. But if you are going sit back and be a knot on a log and not put forth the effort to use your abilities then in my humble opinion you should not expect people help you make sure you get your dream. It is your dream not theirs if you want then you must work for it.